HAVE WE FINALLY REACHED PEAK BEARD?
IF SO, HERE’S HOW TO LIVE WITHOUT YOURS
Hold onto your beards! If you want to hide your spots and sallow skin and baggy eyes and greasy pores, grow your beard as long as you can, until it’s become longer than Grizzly Adams on a follicle treatment course. At least, that’s the easiest way to hide your dodgy beauty regime. But there’s one problem – the hipster beard is on the way out. Only a few years ago, having finely trimmed facial hair was the mark of truly fashionable masculinity. The ideal male role model had a beard chiselled enough to chop down a tree and would have women flocking around him like a Lynx advert turned up to 11.
Now, however, we’ve reached peak beard. People are sick of the sight of them. Women who used to think you were an attractive hunk now throw spare change at your feet. Girlfriends who loved nothing more than running their fingers through your whiskers now scrape razors across your cheeks in a frenzy comparable to Sweeney Todd. Your beauty strategy has been torpedoed – so it’s time to find some alternatives. Don’t let your girlfriend leave you over some bum fluff. Try a few of these beauty tips and you’ll look fresh as a daisy once again.
Cleanse to perfection
Men’s face cleansers always sound strangely aggressive, as though they’ll clear away dry skin by punching you repeatedly in your stupid face. Bulldog, Double-Duty, Ultimate – they’re the kind of moisturisers that should be munching on a Yorkie and shouting PHWOAR at passing women. The more sensitive man needs a cleanser that’ll gently stroke their sensitive skin, wiping off excess skin with a gentle nudge rather than a solid left hook. For our cash, the Proactive cleanser is your best bet, unclogging pores and give you even tone. Especially helpful after a fresh shave, this is the cleanser for you.
Make it five ‘o’ clock
While a full-blown beard might not be in fashion right now, a solid five ‘o’ clock shadow is still a desirable look for those of you who want to look like a sexual panther in 2016. Think Don Draper, that suave and sophisticated owner of a grizzled shading on his cheekbones. When he’s not being dapper and debonair, his silence is punctured by the sheer sophistication of his shaving routine. So, let that stubble shine – you’ll look more suave than Bond in full-flirt mode.
Keep a regular trim
A lot of people are awful at maintaining a beauty schedule. So here’s a quick tip – book your time at your barbers three weeks in advance. That way, you’ll stick to your regime like clockwork, always looking your finest. So keep your hair trimmed and enjoy a little extra grooming attention.