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4 Remedies for Itchy Balls

If you’re a dude, you’ve been there. You’re in a public setting, perhaps a formal one, and you feel that burn down below. You know it right away… your balls itch. Your forehead gets hot, the hair on your neck stands up, and you wish you could press the pause button and scratch that rascal while nobody is looking. But you can’t, at least not without drawing some scathing looks. You can try the hands-free hip wiggle, but that looks weird and is usually ineffective. You can try the old hip check at nothing, but then you look like you're having a spastic episode. Ahh, and my favourite, the spread-eagle stretch pose, which is highly effective but wildly indiscreet. What if you could prevent itchy balls in the first place? If you’re like me, you probably thought that it just wasn't possible. In a way, you’re right. Spontaneous genital pruritus (medical term for itchy, I looked it up) is unavoidable and can happen to even the cleanest, freest, and most moisturized meat wagons. However, you can minimise it by following these helpful tips!

1. Manscaping 

Fact: Hair makes stuff itchy. If you have a biker beard down below, you’re probably itching a lot. By shaving off all that extra hair, you will absolutely itch less down there. For some added bonus points, manscaping can make your battle sword look bigger.

2. Anti-Chafe Lotion 

Trimming the hedges is one thing, but if you plan to go scorched earth down there, you will definitely feel the itch related to razor burn. That’s why it’s always smart to use some anti-chafe ball lotion after you shave your three-ringed circus. Nothing worse than razor burn on your knackers. 

3. Anti-fungal Creams 

If your itchy sack is caused by a fungus, scrap the anti-chafe lotion and go for some anti-fungal creams. Jock itch is no joke for those who’ve had it, but those who have it can usually get rid of it with an anti-fungal cream or a corticosteroid cream. Word of warning, some of this stuff can feel like Icy-Hot on your balls. Prepare yourself accordingly. 

4. If It’s Something Else 

If your itchy balls are not related to dry skin, sweat, chafing or fungal infections, it could be a venereal disease. Crabs, pubic lice, and many other VDs are known to cause itchiness in your loins and are usually accompanied by pain & discomfort. If you feel like you’ve contracted a sexually transmitted disease, put your Johnson on the disabled list and contact your doctor right away. They will be able to identify and diagnose these medical concerns for you.

Itchy balls are inevitable. For dudes, it falls in the same category as death and taxes - the few guarantees of life. But you’re not helpless against it. Usually, routine maintenance and hygiene can keep everything calm, cool, and collected down below. So, clean up down there fellas. Not only will you feel more confident, but your partners will also appreciate it! Who knows, your little fireman could start getting a lot more attention if it’s well groomed. Food for thought. Until next time, stay fresh kings.

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